beauty + destruction

A thought occurred to me last night. While driving to a dinner party, I noticed something. There was a beautiful sunset on one side. A destructive fire on the other. It reminded me that in life, we have good days and bad. Successes and failures. But we need to have both. We must have those moments when we go through something seemingly destructive. Because we go through these difficult things, it makes us really appreciate those beautiful things that we sometimes take for granted.

i don't know what to title this post, so this is what you get

I've been thinking a lot today, and I need to get these feelings out.
I hope that what I write today can help someone.

Losing someone is never easy.
Losing someone in your twenties is harder.
Losing someone to suicide is the worst.

Early in December, I was informed that my childhood friend Daniel had passed away.
He was 24.
He wasn't ill.
It wasn't an accident.
It wasn't due to an addiction.
He had taken his own life.

He didn't fit the typical 'suicidal personality' at all.
He was one of the happiest people I ever met.
Always making others feel like they were the most special person in the world.
Always smiling and cracking jokes.
And then one day, he was gone.
My giant teddy bear of a friend was gone.

The first thing I felt was regret.
I had thought about texting him that Sunday, just to see how he was doing.
I didn't.
Could I have, in any way, prevented this from happening if I had just reached out and let him know he was loved? That someone cared?

I'll never know, and it's the worst.
I know I shouldn't beat myself up over something that I can't change, but it's hard.
What if I had texted him? Would he still be here? Would it have made even a tiny difference?

I still battle with these questions on an almost daily basis.
'What if's' won't bring him back. I know that.

Next was the obvious sadness.
He was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I wish we had stayed better in touch through the years, but life happens and people go their separate ways.
But I'm glad that I was able to reconnect with him this last summer, even if that was all I got.

I'm still getting over the sadness, but I know that Daniel is with our loving Heavenly Father and is continuing his work on the other side.
He is still loved, and always will be even if he can't physically be here to see or hear it.

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Now, a note for anyone who is struggling, having suicidal thoughts, or doesn't think you are worth it:
This life is so worth living. You ARE worth it. You are here for a reason.
There are so many awful things in the world, but having YOU in it makes it better.

If you ever feel like you are alone and unloved, just remember that you'll always have at least two people who love you: God and myself.

Sometimes, even knowing that one person cares about you is enough. 

You matter. Always. 

Please let someone in.
Please be strong enough to ask. Be strong enough to seek the help you need.

Don’t be ashamed, don’t be embarrassed.

I can tell you for a fact.

This world is NOT any better without you.

You are NEEDED. 

You are LOVED.

You are WANTED.

the house that grandpa built - a father's day tribute to my late grandpa jones

Leaving your grandparent's house is always a bittersweet ordeal.
My most recent visit to my grandma's house was a little different. It was the most bittersweet goodbye I think I've ever made to a house.
Why? Well, let me tell you a little story.

32 S. LeSeuer was the gathering place for the Jones family for many many years.
My grandpa Jones helped his father and brothers build it back in the 40's, and it has been the center of many a family memory.

It was unlike any other house.
Partially because of the unique architecture, but mostly because of all the memories that were made there.
If those walls could speak, you would be told the most beautiful stories about families and love and heartbreak and happiness and pain.

This was more than just a house. It was a home. It was a place where you felt loved.
A place where you could almost forget your worries and just enjoy grandpa's singing, or listen to his war stories, or have grandma teach you how to crochet.
A place to pick all the lemons, oranges, grapefruits and tangelos that you could possibly eat.

It was a place where you could run around with cousins that you hadn't seen in years.
A place that hosted many a family Sunday dinner.
A place where we learned how to play the family game of 'Rook' and stayed up way past our bedtimes.
A place to see all the Christmas lights at the Temple right from the front window.

Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and nothing stays the same forever.
This house, with all its decades of memories, will be demolished later this year.
The LDS church is renovating the Mesa Temple, as well as turning the block that my grandparent's house is on into church buildings.

Now, there is a new place for us to make family memories.
Except, it will be different.
There will be no citrus trees to climb or hallways to run around.
No pomegranate bush or front porch to sit and talk for hours.

But that's all just stuff.
The cool thing about memories? You can always make more.
We will still have family gatherings and play card games with grandma.
There will still be girls nights and sleepovers and all the good things that really matter in life.

The only thing truly missing will be my sweet grandfather, but I know he's just as happy watching us make these new memories from his spot up in heaven.
Happy Father's Day grandpa.

2018

So, I posted this on Instagram but thought I'd write it here too.

I'm not gonna lie. 2017 was great and all, but I'm pretty ready for 2018.
This year brought a lot of good stuff, but also quite a lot of crap too.

However, because of the crap, I've realized a few things this year.

One: I stress too much. Over EVERYTHING. Whether it's something that I can control or not, it doesn't matter. If it can be stressed over, you can bet that I'm already on it.

Two: I spend so much time trying to make myself into whoever others want me to be, I've all but forgotten who I am. I've spent so much time trying to make everyone else happy, that I totally overlook my own happiness.

Three: I am in charge of my own happiness and self-worth. ME. Nobody else.
Sure, people and things can "make" me happy, but in the end, it's up to me to stay happy or not.

Four (last one, I promise): It's okay to not be okay. If you need to cry, go ahead and cry. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it's overcast with a chance of tornadoes. And that's okay.

Why am I telling you all my issues? Because they have made me a better person and have actually taught me a lot about myself.

In fact, 2018 will be the year that I take time for ME. It's going to be the year that I stop trying to please everyone, and focus on what makes ME happy, like TRULY happy. 

I'm going to try as hard as I possibly can to not stress over stuff that I have no control over. And if needed, I'm going to get rid of things in my life that are bringing me down and making me stress when I really don't need to.

It's gonna be hard. It may hurt. But it's gonna be worth it. Because I am worth it.

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's ♥

and she's off!

Hey there! It's been a minute since I last posted! 

Sent off sister no. 2 to the MTC today. 

She will be serving the people of Tokyo Japan for 18 months! 

important announcement

Hello!
I have decided to create a blog JUST for my Etsy listings instead of posting them with my personal posts. Thought it would be more professional.

The new page is:
https://pearlandberryetsy.blogspot.com/

This is where I will be posting the featured listings, coupons, and announcements from now on.

Have a great week!

diy earring holder

I finally got around to making the jewelry holder I've been wanting to make for months now.
I looked up a few already made ones but found 2 problems.
First off, none of them were exactly what I wanted.
Second, for one the size I needed it would be around $100 and I wasn't gonna do that.

Here's how I made mine: ( I apologize for the photo quality)

First, I had to find a frame big enough, without breaking the bank.
Luckily, I found this one at Hobby Lobby in the 90% off Home Decor section.
It was originally around $54 but was marked down to $5.40 because the paint/finish was pretty beat up. I was going to paint it anyway, so it didn't matter much the condition of the paint.
The frame I got is about 28"x22" and about an inch or so thick.

Then, I had to figure out what to put in the middle.
I originally was going to do wooden slats but didn't like how much space there was between them.
I wanted the whole frame to be filled. I found a 2'x3' decorative sheet of metal at Lowe's for $29.99 + tax ( I think it ended up being $32 something).
If you want to do a smaller organizer Lowe's, Home Depot and Hobby Lobby have smaller sheets of decorative metal.



Thirdly, I got me some screw in hooks from Ace Hardware, but you can get them at any hardware store. Be sure to pre drill the hole for these so they are easier to get in the frame.



Time to assemble. Measure the inside of the frame (or whatever space you want the metal to fill).
I used super glue to secure the metal to the frame. Works really well. Let it sit for a few hours, or overnight - clamps make it stay together better while it dries.
I hung the frame with a photo hanging kit that I had leftover from a college photo class. You can get these at hardware stores as well.



I decided to hang it with two screws so that it didn't move around when I hung stuff on it. In addition, I secured the wire to the top of the frame in 2 places so that the frame didn't lean forward and make everything fall off.

Tada! You've got a jewelry organizer that works for whatever you need!