I've been thinking a lot today, and I need to get these feelings out.
I hope that what I write today can help someone.
Losing someone is never easy.
Losing someone in your twenties is harder.
Losing someone to suicide is the worst.
Early in December, I was informed that my childhood friend Daniel had passed away.
He was 24.
He wasn't ill.
It wasn't an accident.
It wasn't due to an addiction.
He had taken his own life.
He didn't fit the typical 'suicidal personality' at all.
He was one of the happiest people I ever met.
Always making others feel like they were the most special person in the world.
Always smiling and cracking jokes.
And then one day, he was gone.
My giant teddy bear of a friend was gone.
The first thing I felt was regret.
I had thought about texting him that Sunday, just to see how he was doing.
I didn't.
Could I have, in any way, prevented this from happening if I had just reached out and let him know he was loved? That someone cared?
I'll never know, and it's the worst.
I know I shouldn't beat myself up over something that I can't change, but it's hard.
What if I had texted him? Would he still be here? Would it have made even a tiny difference?
I still battle with these questions on an almost daily basis.
'What if's' won't bring him back. I know that.
Next was the obvious sadness.
He was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I wish we had stayed better in touch through the years, but life happens and people go their separate ways.
But I'm glad that I was able to reconnect with him this last summer, even if that was all I got.
I'm still getting over the sadness, but I know that Daniel is with our loving Heavenly Father and is continuing his work on the other side.
He is still loved, and always will be even if he can't physically be here to see or hear it.
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Now, a note for anyone who is struggling, having suicidal thoughts, or doesn't think you are worth it:
This life is so worth living. You ARE worth it. You are here for a reason.
There are so many awful things in the world, but having YOU in it makes it better.
Please be strong enough to ask. Be strong enough to seek the help you need.
I hope that what I write today can help someone.
Losing someone is never easy.
Losing someone in your twenties is harder.
Losing someone to suicide is the worst.
Early in December, I was informed that my childhood friend Daniel had passed away.
He was 24.
He wasn't ill.
It wasn't an accident.
It wasn't due to an addiction.
He had taken his own life.
He didn't fit the typical 'suicidal personality' at all.
He was one of the happiest people I ever met.
Always making others feel like they were the most special person in the world.
Always smiling and cracking jokes.
And then one day, he was gone.
My giant teddy bear of a friend was gone.
The first thing I felt was regret.
I had thought about texting him that Sunday, just to see how he was doing.
I didn't.
Could I have, in any way, prevented this from happening if I had just reached out and let him know he was loved? That someone cared?
I'll never know, and it's the worst.
I know I shouldn't beat myself up over something that I can't change, but it's hard.
What if I had texted him? Would he still be here? Would it have made even a tiny difference?
I still battle with these questions on an almost daily basis.
'What if's' won't bring him back. I know that.
Next was the obvious sadness.
He was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I wish we had stayed better in touch through the years, but life happens and people go their separate ways.
But I'm glad that I was able to reconnect with him this last summer, even if that was all I got.
I'm still getting over the sadness, but I know that Daniel is with our loving Heavenly Father and is continuing his work on the other side.
He is still loved, and always will be even if he can't physically be here to see or hear it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, a note for anyone who is struggling, having suicidal thoughts, or doesn't think you are worth it:
This life is so worth living. You ARE worth it. You are here for a reason.
There are so many awful things in the world, but having YOU in it makes it better.
If you ever feel like you are alone and unloved, just remember that you'll always have at least two people who love you: God and myself.
Sometimes, even knowing that one person cares about you is enough.
You matter. Always.
Please let someone in.Please be strong enough to ask. Be strong enough to seek the help you need.
Don’t be ashamed, don’t be embarrassed.
I can tell you for a fact.
This world is NOT any better without you.
You are NEEDED.
You are LOVED.
You are WANTED.
