Grow

 Am I staying up way past my bedtime to write this? Yes. Yes, I am. But sometimes you've just gotta get the thoughts out of your head while you still have them.

Tonight, while I was watering some of my plants, I thought it would be fun to look up some pictures from when I originally got them to see how much they've grown and do a little side-by-side comparison.

While I was making those little comparison photos, the thought occurred to me: what if we treated people the way that we do plants? If the simple act of giving a plant the basic thing it needs leads to beautiful, healthy plants, what would happen if we did that to people? 

Whenever I add a plant to my collection, I look up that specific plant and see exactly what it needs not only to survive but to THRIVE. You can't give every plant the same care, and then wonder why some of them are struggling while others are doing well. Each one is different and has different watering, light, and other care needs. For example, if I give the same care to a plant from a tropical climate that I give to one from the desert, I can't expect the tropical plant to thrive. It needs higher humidity, more water, and different soil. 

The same goes for people. You can't take two completely different people, who are going through completely different things, show them the same generic "care", and be surprised when it doesn't work. What if, when we meet someone we actually did our research, and learned what they needed to THRIVE, and not just simply survive? Talk to them, figure out the things they like, what they dislike, and who they really are, what their NEESA are, and we tailor the care we give back to each individual instead of just the "standard" things we would normally give to everyone.

And, much like plants, we can't expect things to happen overnight. Sometimes, people need more time to truly start to thrive. Some, might not need much time at all. We need to be patient. 

Sure, a little love goes a long way, but have you ever stopped to think that maybe our generic "love" isn't enough? Love can be shown in countless ways, but not everyone needs the same kind of love. 

The next time you see someone struggling, or even just meet someone new, try to really get to know them, and what they need. You'd be surprised just how far that can go. 

beauty + destruction

A thought occurred to me last night. While driving to a dinner party, I noticed something. There was a beautiful sunset on one side. A destructive fire on the other. It reminded me that in life, we have good days and bad. Successes and failures. But we need to have both. We must have those moments when we go through something seemingly destructive. Because we go through these difficult things, it makes us really appreciate those beautiful things that we sometimes take for granted.

i don't know what to title this post, so this is what you get

I've been thinking a lot today, and I need to get these feelings out.
I hope that what I write today can help someone.

Losing someone is never easy.
Losing someone in your twenties is harder.
Losing someone to suicide is the worst.

Early in December, I was informed that my childhood friend Daniel had passed away.
He was 24.
He wasn't ill.
It wasn't an accident.
It wasn't due to an addiction.
He had taken his own life.

He didn't fit the typical 'suicidal personality' at all.
He was one of the happiest people I ever met.
Always making others feel like they were the most special person in the world.
Always smiling and cracking jokes.
And then one day, he was gone.
My giant teddy bear of a friend was gone.

The first thing I felt was regret.
I had thought about texting him that Sunday, just to see how he was doing.
I didn't.
Could I have, in any way, prevented this from happening if I had just reached out and let him know he was loved? That someone cared?

I'll never know, and it's the worst.
I know I shouldn't beat myself up over something that I can't change, but it's hard.
What if I had texted him? Would he still be here? Would it have made even a tiny difference?

I still battle with these questions on an almost daily basis.
'What if's' won't bring him back. I know that.

Next was the obvious sadness.
He was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I wish we had stayed better in touch through the years, but life happens and people go their separate ways.
But I'm glad that I was able to reconnect with him this last summer, even if that was all I got.

I'm still getting over the sadness, but I know that Daniel is with our loving Heavenly Father and is continuing his work on the other side.
He is still loved, and always will be even if he can't physically be here to see or hear it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, a note for anyone who is struggling, having suicidal thoughts, or doesn't think you are worth it:
This life is so worth living. You ARE worth it. You are here for a reason.
There are so many awful things in the world, but having YOU in it makes it better.

If you ever feel like you are alone and unloved, just remember that you'll always have at least two people who love you: God and myself.

Sometimes, even knowing that one person cares about you is enough. 

You matter. Always. 

Please let someone in.
Please be strong enough to ask. Be strong enough to seek the help you need.

Don’t be ashamed, don’t be embarrassed.

I can tell you for a fact.

This world is NOT any better without you.

You are NEEDED. 

You are LOVED.

You are WANTED.

the house that grandpa built - a father's day tribute to my late grandpa jones

Leaving your grandparent's house is always a bittersweet ordeal.
My most recent visit to my grandma's house was a little different. It was the most bittersweet goodbye I think I've ever made to a house.
Why? Well, let me tell you a little story.

32 S. LeSeuer was the gathering place for the Jones family for many many years.
My grandpa Jones helped his father and brothers build it back in the 40's, and it has been the center of many a family memory.

It was unlike any other house.
Partially because of the unique architecture, but mostly because of all the memories that were made there.
If those walls could speak, you would be told the most beautiful stories about families and love and heartbreak and happiness and pain.

This was more than just a house. It was a home. It was a place where you felt loved.
A place where you could almost forget your worries and just enjoy grandpa's singing, or listen to his war stories, or have grandma teach you how to crochet.
A place to pick all the lemons, oranges, grapefruits and tangelos that you could possibly eat.

It was a place where you could run around with cousins that you hadn't seen in years.
A place that hosted many a family Sunday dinner.
A place where we learned how to play the family game of 'Rook' and stayed up way past our bedtimes.
A place to see all the Christmas lights at the Temple right from the front window.

Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and nothing stays the same forever.
This house, with all its decades of memories, will be demolished later this year.
The LDS church is renovating the Mesa Temple, as well as turning the block that my grandparent's house is on into church buildings.

Now, there is a new place for us to make family memories.
Except, it will be different.
There will be no citrus trees to climb or hallways to run around.
No pomegranate bush or front porch to sit and talk for hours.

But that's all just stuff.
The cool thing about memories? You can always make more.
We will still have family gatherings and play card games with grandma.
There will still be girls nights and sleepovers and all the good things that really matter in life.

The only thing truly missing will be my sweet grandfather, but I know he's just as happy watching us make these new memories from his spot up in heaven.
Happy Father's Day grandpa.

2018

So, I posted this on Instagram but thought I'd write it here too.

I'm not gonna lie. 2017 was great and all, but I'm pretty ready for 2018.
This year brought a lot of good stuff, but also quite a lot of crap too.

However, because of the crap, I've realized a few things this year.

One: I stress too much. Over EVERYTHING. Whether it's something that I can control or not, it doesn't matter. If it can be stressed over, you can bet that I'm already on it.

Two: I spend so much time trying to make myself into whoever others want me to be, I've all but forgotten who I am. I've spent so much time trying to make everyone else happy, that I totally overlook my own happiness.

Three: I am in charge of my own happiness and self-worth. ME. Nobody else.
Sure, people and things can "make" me happy, but in the end, it's up to me to stay happy or not.

Four (last one, I promise): It's okay to not be okay. If you need to cry, go ahead and cry. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it's overcast with a chance of tornadoes. And that's okay.

Why am I telling you all my issues? Because they have made me a better person and have actually taught me a lot about myself.

In fact, 2018 will be the year that I take time for ME. It's going to be the year that I stop trying to please everyone, and focus on what makes ME happy, like TRULY happy. 

I'm going to try as hard as I possibly can to not stress over stuff that I have no control over. And if needed, I'm going to get rid of things in my life that are bringing me down and making me stress when I really don't need to.

It's gonna be hard. It may hurt. But it's gonna be worth it. Because I am worth it.

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's ♥

and she's off!

Hey there! It's been a minute since I last posted! 

Sent off sister no. 2 to the MTC today. 

She will be serving the people of Tokyo Japan for 18 months! 

important announcement

Hello!
I have decided to create a blog JUST for my Etsy listings instead of posting them with my personal posts. Thought it would be more professional.

The new page is:
https://pearlandberryetsy.blogspot.com/

This is where I will be posting the featured listings, coupons, and announcements from now on.

Have a great week!

diy earring holder

I finally got around to making the jewelry holder I've been wanting to make for months now.
I looked up a few already made ones but found 2 problems.
First off, none of them were exactly what I wanted.
Second, for one the size I needed it would be around $100 and I wasn't gonna do that.

Here's how I made mine: ( I apologize for the photo quality)

First, I had to find a frame big enough, without breaking the bank.
Luckily, I found this one at Hobby Lobby in the 90% off Home Decor section.
It was originally around $54 but was marked down to $5.40 because the paint/finish was pretty beat up. I was going to paint it anyway, so it didn't matter much the condition of the paint.
The frame I got is about 28"x22" and about an inch or so thick.

Then, I had to figure out what to put in the middle.
I originally was going to do wooden slats but didn't like how much space there was between them.
I wanted the whole frame to be filled. I found a 2'x3' decorative sheet of metal at Lowe's for $29.99 + tax ( I think it ended up being $32 something).
If you want to do a smaller organizer Lowe's, Home Depot and Hobby Lobby have smaller sheets of decorative metal.



Thirdly, I got me some screw in hooks from Ace Hardware, but you can get them at any hardware store. Be sure to pre drill the hole for these so they are easier to get in the frame.



Time to assemble. Measure the inside of the frame (or whatever space you want the metal to fill).
I used super glue to secure the metal to the frame. Works really well. Let it sit for a few hours, or overnight - clamps make it stay together better while it dries.
I hung the frame with a photo hanging kit that I had leftover from a college photo class. You can get these at hardware stores as well.



I decided to hang it with two screws so that it didn't move around when I hung stuff on it. In addition, I secured the wire to the top of the frame in 2 places so that the frame didn't lean forward and make everything fall off.

Tada! You've got a jewelry organizer that works for whatever you need! 

growing up is hard

Growing up is hard.  

This isn't anything new. It just is what it is. 
It's different. And hard. And scary. And I'm not sure how much I like it. 
It forces me to get uncomfortable and sometimes be absolutely miserable. 
It's tough and sometimes it sucks. But it's life and I can't really change a whole lot about the majority of it. 

I always thought that I'd have my life all figured out by now.
I had a plan. 
Go to college. Get a degree. 
Get hired for my dream job. 
Meet Prince Charming. Get swept off my feet. 
Get married. Travel the world together.
Settle down. Have a couple kids. And a cute house. With a dog of course.
Basically, have life all figured out and be happy.
All by the age of about 25.

That's not how it went. 
Yes, graduated and got that degree from college.
But that's about as far as I've gotten. 

I am now 23. 
I don't have my dream job. Or any job at the moment.
I have not met Prince Charming. I'm certainly not married.
I still live at home because with my student loans, and current lack of a job, I can't afford to pay rent. 
My life is not figured out.

When I look around at other people my age, I feel like something went wrong somewhere.
A lot of them are married. Some with 1 or 2 kids.
They have jobs in the fields that they enjoy. 
They live in their own apartments, some with roommates, some without.
Sure, some of them are still in school. But they have more of their life in order than I do. 
They're living the life I planned for myself.
Sure. They've had their hardships, but all I can see is their successes and that I'm nowhere near that level of adulting. 

So many thoughts go through my mind on this subject. Every. Single. Day.
Shouldn't I have more figured out by now? Does my Prince Charming even know I exist? Does that guy even deserve a right swipe? Why am I the only one who feels stuck? Am I broken? Do guys even go on dates anymore? What if I'm stuck living at home till I'm 50? Did I choose the right degree path? 
There is one question that rotates through more often than the others. Why can't I be like them? I had a plan for heaven's sake! 

Why is it that my life plan is taking so long? What happened to the plan to be a 'real adult' by 25? Am I doomed to be stuck in this cloud of confusion forever? It's not like I haven't tried. Because trust me, I have. I feel like that's all I do is try. But it never seems good enough. How am I supposed to get where I want to be? How do I get un-stuck? How can I, a 23 year old single unemployed woman possibly make it in this crazy world? 

I know this makes it sound like my life is a never ending pit of craziness and despair. It's not. I promise. It's got plenty of good things too, more than it has bad. I have a good life. A great family. Amazing friends. I'm actually a pretty happy person 99.99% of the time. I simply want what everyone else wants. To feel like their life has a real purpose. Mine is just taking longer than I thought it would to get there. And that is something that I'm working on accepting.

If there's one thing that I've learned from this rollercoaster called adulthood, it's that life, at least mine, won't always go as planned. Ever. Even if you took months to write every little detail down, and you're positive your plan is foolproof.  Life. Doesn't. Care. It's got different things planned. Some of them may match with yours, and some won't. And that's okay. 

As my good friend Alexnder Graham Bell said, "When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

Don't focus so much on the closed doors, or parts of your life plan that didn't work out, that you miss the new doors and opportunities that have opened up for you. 

diy nail polish

Ever get tired of not being able to find just the right color of nail polish in any store? No need to fret! You, just like me, can make your very own!

All you need are 2 'ingredients':

-clear nail polish (any brand you like)

-really pretty sparkly shiny dust

  -- (i.e. eyeshadow, glitter, or UV dust powder stuff)

Step 1:

Take your clear nail polish and open it. Easy as pie.

Step 2:
Take your really pretty shiny powder stuff ( I used this pretty shiny copper stuff that I found on wish.com that is supposed to be used with a UV base and lamp)

Step 3:
This is where it gets tricky.
Either use a really little funnel, or make one out of paper like I did.
CAREFULLY pour your glitter/shiny powder into your clear nail polish. 
Shake well.
(I obviously didn't use the same nail polish that was in the first photo, I just forgot to take a before photo)
*note: I decided to go with a super cheap clear polish just in case I didn't like the end result. No need to waste 5 bucks if it's not going to turn out

 Step 4:
Ta-Da! You have your very own, one-of-a-kind nail polish color!
Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

alexa+reed

Got the chance to shoot an engagement session for one of my best friends and her soon-to-be hubby (who I've actually known since Kindergarten).

The weather was absolutely miserable and cold, but these two made it completely worth it.

I couldn't have made a better match if I tried!

(all photos copywrite 2016 jessikalloyd photography)

it's alive!

My website is finally up and running! Hooray! 

I'm doing a little giveaway to celebrate!

There are two ways that YOU can enter, dear blog reader.

#1: Head on over to Instagram and look for the giveaway post on my photography page

(https://www.instagram.com/jessikalloydphoto/)

#2: Mosy on over to Facebook, and find the same post there

(https://www.facebook.com/jessikalloydphoto/)

One lucky person will win a canvas print of their choice (from one of the following categories from my website: Nature, Wildlife, Places or Misc).

The winner will be announced on my Facebook and Instagram pages on January 7, 2017.

*As of right now, I can only ship within the U.S.*

I look forward to what 2017 has in store for me and my photography, and wish you all a great year as well!

flowers: week 10 & 11

Sorry I didn't post last week. Busy, busy, busy.
The flowers have been mostly the same for the past few weeks.
Only 2 changes have happened. One, one more plant died. Two, there's another bud.

The one plant, the one that looks like a fern, still has no sign of any flowers.

Day: 70

Plants: 4

Flowers: 1

Buds:0

Day: 77

Plants: 3

Flowers: 1

Buds: 1

flowers: week 9

Nothing new to report this week.
Same 4 plants. Same 1 flower.
The only change is that the bud I thought I saw last week wasn't actually a bud. Just another leaf or something like that.

Day: 63

Plants: 4

Buds: 0

Flowers: 1

flowers: week 8 and...... a kitten?

The flower has bloomed! Still don't know what kind it is though. Anyone?
The second plant like the one that is flowering looks like it's getting a bud. We'll see what color that flower is. Hopefully it's not pink like the other one. I like variety, ya know?
Still no signs of buds/flowers on the other two plants. Hopefully they'll start here soon. The package said that they should start blooming around day 60.

Day: 56

Plants: 4

Buds: 1

Flowers: 1

Unrelated to flowers, but equally, if not more, interesting. The other day I was going to take out the trash (at like 10:30pm, cause I forgot), and when I opened the garage door, I heard this weird cry of sorts. I had no clue what it was. Then, my dog grabbed something fuzzy. Turns out it was a little kitten. She's no older than 4 weeks, but older than 2. She was so scared and hungry. We took her in for the night, because what else were we supposed to do? We're pretty sure she was abandoned, and on her own for at least a day or two. Didn't have any kitten formula, as we have never had cats, not to mention one this young. We had to research an emergency kitten formula and feed her that until we could figure out what to do with her. Luckily, my coworker Jade LOVES cats and has raised them before, and she was MORE than willing (and extremely excited) to take care of the kitten. She's doing a lot better just overnight. Jade was able to get some kitten formula for her, and that seems to be helping a lot. She's eating the amount she should for her age, and seems to be in good health besides being malnourished and probably dehydrated. She's super skinny, but so sweet and has such a playful, fun, carefree personality already. She loves to cuddle and explore/climb all over you. She's got big blue eyes, and a cute little permanent milk mustache. I'm just so glad that we went out to get the trash when we did, or she may not have made it. I don't even know how long she was alone for. God works in mysterious ways for sure. 

The morning after we found her. 

photo courtesy of Jade

This is from Jade's sister, who was taking care of the kitten while Jade was at work. The kitten already looks TONS better than she did yesterday (and loves pulling faces)

flowers: week 7

First and foremost:
WE ARE WITH FLOWER. I repeat WE ARE WITH FLOWER!

Now that I got that out, I can begin today's post. Not much has changed with 3 of the 4 plants. We've got a cute little flower coming in if you didn't already gather that information.

But the real question is: "[What] could it be? this [flower] that I did see. Can you help me guess this mystery?"
Some of you may have caught that reference. For those who didn't, you're gonna learn today. That, my dear reader, is from a lovely children's show called Zaboomafoo, and it featured Martin and Chris Kratt and their cute little ring-tailed Lemur friend. The show hasn't been on air in YEARS, but it was one of my favorites.

ANYWHOO, back to the flowers. 

Day: 49

Plants: 4

Buds: 1

Flowers: 1/2ish